she's a beautiful mess
by omggcece
Summary: \\"Tell me you love me back when I'm not so pathetic."\\ SamFreddie.


She stands in front of the mirror and she's not sure if it's Sunday or Monday or Friday. . .all the days are a blur and it's the last thing on her mind at this moment.

Her blonde hair is messy and wild and _horrible ( j u s t l i k e h e r ). _She hasn't showered in _days_...she _thinks. _As she said before, she really hasn't been keeping track of the days...or even going out of the house. She raises her sleeve once more, staring at the name inscribed on her arm - _Freddie._

She remembers when she did it; it bled for hours and _God, _it hurt but now it's another one of her healed _( f a d e d s c a r s ) _but it's the worst one of them all because it _reminds her of him..._

-And it sucks. He comes up behind her and wraps his arms around her middle, softly kissing her neck. _"_You need to clean up,_" _he whispers carefully, letting go of her and then all of the sudden there's a wide distance between them and she doesn't really like it.

She just stares at him, a blank expression on her face and he doesn't really like that. It's not Carly where you could know what she was thinking just by her face - no, Sam is _different _and more _difficult - _she is a challenge and everything Carly is not. _Maybe _he can learn to love this beautiful mess.

_"_Raise your arms,_" _he instructs and she doesn't do that, either. _Here we go. . ._

_"_Look, Sam, I'm getting tired of this! I told you too-_" _He stops is rant as she puts her arms above her head, staring at him with this hurt look on her face and he's pretty sure she's saying, _"Don't leave me," _and it breaks his heart.

He takes off of her clothes as if she's a baby and turns on the shoulder, putting is hand in it to check the temperature. _This is gonna be a long day..._

.

.

.

_"_I love you,_"_ She says in a bored tone as if it's the most normal thing in the world to say. He chokes on nothing _( j u s t t h i n a i r ) _and he drops his book and he's sure the world has stopped and his heart has stopped and the Earth has stopped spinning.

Carly shoots him a weird look from across the room, but she is distracted by Spencer. She shrugs, walking into his room.

Eventually he has to ask the unavoidable question. _"_What?_" _But she's already gone and he wonders if it's all just a dream or if it was a figment of his imagination.

.

.

.

When he sees her again it's late in the night - or early in the morning, you pick and the street lights make her _glow _and there's no question, Samantha Puckett is the most beautiful woman he has ever seen.

Him and Carly haven't seen her in a long time and he decides not to tell her about the whole _"I love you" _thing because he's still not positive it actually happened, and if it did some things are better left unsaid.

She smirks, that famous Sam smirk, but he doesn't like the way it looks on her anymore because it doesn't reach her eyes and she doesn't seem genuinely _real._

_"_Do you really love me?_" _He gathers up the courage to ask, playing with a loose string on his sweater and not quite meeting her eyes.

_"_Yeah,_" _she whispers and he's never heard a more perfect _Yeah._

_"_I ran away because I knew you didn't love me back...ugh, I hate talking about my feelings!_" _She exclaims suddenly and it reminds you of the old Sam - not this heartbroken one that was standing in front of him.

_"_Maybe...we can make this work,_" _He replies slowly, putting a hand on his forehead and the other on his hip.

.

.

.

They've been dating for a year and eleven months when he finds her.

She's sitting on the couch in her living room, holding a piece of broken glass in a shaking hand. There's blood dripping from her arm and when he gets closer, he can see _F-r-e-d-d-i _carved on her arm and before he can take it away, she writes the final _e _on her arm and throws it on the floor.

_"_I didn't feel like asking you to take me to the tattoo place,_"_ she mutters, getting off the couch as Freddie stares at her in shock, his mouth wide open. _"_So I just took a piece of glass and did it myself. Now I can remember you forever, _" _She says in a cheery tone, wiping off the blood and bandaging up her arm.

As usual these last two or three years, he's not sure if she's real, his imagination, or if this is all some big, sick dream.

.

.

.

_His name is forever inscribed, to be forever with her..._

_Forever._

.

.

.

When Melanie and her Mom die she completely shuts down.

He's sure there's even worms or something crawling around in her hair so he washes it after she takes her shower. He shoves as much food as he can down her throat and barely manages to get her too swallow it.

He knows it's not but he feels like all _this _is his fault - he had left her in Seattle, moving on to bigger _( a n d b e t t e r ) _things in California - _where it's always sunny. _But as soon as Carly had told him how _defeated _she was he had rushed back home because Sam Puckett is never defeated, she is too strong, too _STRONG _but here she was, _defeated _and it makes his heart break.

He knows he's finally grown to love her back, and tells her so but she doesn't say anything, just like she's been doing for the last two months and he's kind of gotten used to the miserable silence.

_"_Tell me you love me back when I'm not so pathetic,_" _she spits out and she says it so fast he's not really sure she really even said anything...

He doesn't tell Carly 'cause he's still not sure if this is real or not...

And if this nightmare _is, _some things are better left unsaid.

.

**A/N: Okay...what the fudge was that? Look at me, I don't even know what I'm writing about myself! I need some serious help...or maybe I just need to go too sleep. It **_**is **_**2:03 AM. I'm gonna post this anyway 'cause hey, what's the harm in that?  
**

**In your review, can you tell me what you thought of it? Please and thank you! :)**


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